Valentine's Day
by Norbert for President
Summary: Trinity receives lots of Valentine's cards, so Neo is annoyed because he spent ages on his and had to borrow Morpheus' felt-tips and everything! And he also redecorated everything (including Tank, Mouse, and Morpheus) pink!
1. The Actual Story

A/N: The film 'The Matrix' and the characters and stuff in it are not owned by me! Oh, and this is not a sequel to 'April Fool' or 'Pink and Fluffy'. But if you like this and happen to be feeling exceptionally kind and generous you can go and read and review them!  
  
Valentine's day  
  
Love was in the air. The One had decorated everything bright pink - including some of his colleagues. It was February the fourteenth. And Trinity was having a lie in.  
  
'I wish she'd wake up!' complained Neo to Tank, who was happily wearing a hot pink skirt and fuchsia lipstick. 'I've spent ages on the decorations, and you and Mouse will get sick of wearing pink if she doesn't wake up soon.'  
  
'It's OK, Neo,' said Tank, kindly. 'I don't mind wearing pink if it makes you happy. I'm in touch with my feminine side, y'know. And it goes with my scary eyebrows! Look, I can make them heart-shaped! Look, Neo!' Tank attempted to twist his very scary wiggly eyebrows into a heart. It didn't work.  
  
'Er . . . right, Tank,' said Neo, patting Tank on the shoulder. 'Right.'  
  
'I don't think Mouse is too happy though,' said Tank, unnecessarily as Mouse stormed up behind Neo, wearing a tight shocking pink T-shirt and flared rose-pink trousers.  
  
'Neo . . .' growled Mouse, 'I'm clashing.'  
  
'With what? I changed everything pink, didn't I? Did I forget something? Did I Mouse? Where, where is it? What do I need to change?'  
  
'Not with . . . with THIS,' Mouse gestured disgustedly at the bright pink walls. 'With the Lady in Red. Red pink, pink red, red pink, pink red. NO, Neo, NO! I can't do this! I'm denying my impulses! To deny your impulses is to deny the very thing that makes you human! I can't do this Neo! I'm sorry. I'm just not . . . I'm . . . I'm just not, OK?'  
  
Neo now patted Mouse's shoulder. 'It's OK, Mouse. We're here for you. But pleeeeeeeease could you just wear that stuff for a tincy wincy bit longer? Pleeeeeeeeeease? Just until Trinity wakes up. Then I promise you can change.'  
  
'You know how long it takes Trinity to wake up, Neo? I wouldn't sit round waiting if I were you! Remember that time when she slept for three weeks?'  
  
'Ah, that was because she'd been trying to get out of the Matrix for ages and had to keep running away from agents because Tank was on his coffee break. Be fair,' said Neo.  
  
'I'll have you know I'm entitled to my coffee break!' began Tank, angrily.  
  
Neo interrupted him, 'I know you are Tank, we all respect the coffee. We respect it. I'm just trying to tell Mouse that she'll wake up soon.'  
  
Mouse was now muttering to himself and shaking his head. 'Three weeks,' he murmured in disbelief. 'I mean, after you'd DIED, Neo, you only slept for two days.'  
  
'Well, I'm not going to wake her up!' began Neo. 'I know from bitter experience that it's not a good idea.'  
  
Mouse and Tank both winced, and instinctively moved their hands to cover the parts of themselves that they valued the most (I'll leave you to guess where that was, and although I agree for Tank it would be a close call with his scary eyebrows, in this respect he behaved fairly normally). They too knew the perils of waking Trinity.  
  
'OK, I'll wait,' said Mouse, resignedly. 'But you owe me something SERIOUSLY BIG for this, OK, Neo? So when you destroy the Matrix, I'll be wanting a small country or something, OK?'  
  
'OK, Mouse,' said Neo, sighing.  
  
'Hey, can I have one too? I'd like a small country!' shouted Tank.  
  
'I suppose so. But it'll have to be smaller than Mouse's because you're not suffering like he is.'  
  
Tank considered this for a while. 'OK, then,' he said. 'But not MUCH smaller.'  
  
This interesting little conversation was disturbed by the sound of movement in Trinity's bedroom.  
  
'She's waking!' whispered Neo, excited.  
  
'Yeah, but she'll be in there for a good hour yet,' began Mouse, pessimistically. Then, 'Neo, do I HAVE to wear this?'  
  
'Yes. Pleeeeeeeeeease?' cajoled Neo. Then suddenly, he shouted, 'MORPHEUS!' and sprinted off.  
  
Leaving Tank and Mouse looking rather bewildered. Then suddenly, comprehension dawned on Mouse's otherwise miserable face. 'Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!' he began.  
  
'What?' asked Tank.  
  
'Neo forgot to ask Morpheus!' said Mouse, then chortling, 'This I have to see!' Mouse sprinted off in the direction that Neo had taken. Tank didn't know what was going on but thought he might as well follow Mouse anyway. So he caught up with Mouse and followed him until they reached Neo and Morpheus.  
  
'Please, Morpheus! I'm saving the world for you, I'm just asking this one tiny thing in return! Please?!' Neo was saying.  
  
'NO, Neo. Pink is so not my colour!'  
  
'Morpheus, if you wear this, no-one will see you. You'll blend in! It's like camouflage. Pleeeeease?' Neo thrust a frilly pink leotard and shiny fuchsia hot pants at Morpheus. 'Please?'  
  
Morpheus then became aware of their sniggering audience. 'What are THEY doing?' he asked.  
  
Neo seized the moment. 'Look! Mouse and Tank are wearing pink! Why don't you join in? It is Valentine's day after all.'  
  
Tank broke in. 'Yeah! Look, my eyebrows can twist themselves into a heart shape.' Tank's face contorted with effort for a while, as he thrust his eyebrows into what he seemed to think what a heart shape. 'Look, Morpheus, Look!'  
  
Morpheus looked very scared. Neo took this opportunity to argue once more for pink. 'Morpheus, if you put this on, you can hide from him! You'll blend in! You can run away from Tank and his weirdo eyebrows!'  
  
Morpheus was getting desperate now. 'OK, Neo. I'll put them on. But I will NEED a blue pill after this and I expect you to give one to me.' Morpheus proceeded to put the clothes on.  
  
'Good man, Morpheus,' said Neo, patronizingly, slapping him on the back and sprinting off. Unfortunately, he didn't realize that he'd knocked Morpheus nose-first into the floor. Neo came to a halt outside Trinity's bedroom, just as Trinity threw open the door.  
  
'Er . . . Neo?' she asked, seeing the bright pink surroundings. 'What is going on?'  
  
'It's Valentine's Day, Trinity.'  
  
'I knew that! I was talking about the new colour scheme.'  
  
'Yeah, that's because it's Valentine's Day.'  
  
'You are going to change it back aren't you?' asked Trinity, sounding a little concerned.  
  
'Yeah, of course,' said Neo, missing the fact that she didn't seem entirely happy with the decorations. 'Did you happen to get any cards?'  
  
'Yeah, thanks Neo. But you're not supposed to sign them. I'm supposed to guess who it's from.'  
  
'Yeah, but you'd know it was from me, wouldn't you? I mean, you'd only get a Valentine's card from me, wouldn't you?'  
  
'You really are clueless, Neo,' said Trinity. 'It's really sweet.' She then kissed him.  
  
'What? You've got Valentine's cards from other people?'  
  
'Yeah, of course. I mean, I'm the only woman on this thing. I've got the usual ones from Morpheus and Tank and Mouse and everyone. And I got one weird one from someone I don't know . . . which was quite strange . . .'  
  
Neo interrupted, 'But . . . but mine was the nicest wasn't it, Trinity? I spent ages on it. I had to borrow Morpheus' felt-tips and everything. You liked it, didn't you?'  
  
'Yes, Neo. Your card was the nicest. And I'm not interested in Morpheus or Tank or Mouse. Though I'd quite like to know who that weird bloke is . . . but anyway, yours was the nicest Neo, because I looooooove you.'  
  
'Oh good,' was Neo's rather pathetic response. Then, as an afterthought, 'I love you too.'  
  
Mouse and Tank and Morpheus sniggered in the background. Trinity did her usual jumping in the air thing and kicked them all on the side of the head. Then lower down.  
  
'Ouch!' they squeaked in unison.  
  
Trinity occupied herself kissing Neo. When they broke apart, Neo stuck his tongue out at them, obviously thinking Trinity wouldn't notice. For once she didn't, she was busy filing her nails.  
  
Then Morpheus spoke, after giving Neo a seriously disturbing look. His voice was still a little higher than usual. 'Trinity and Neo, you need to go into the Matrix for routine checks. We haven't been in for ages and we need to check that nothing's wrong.'  
  
Tank interrupted. 'I'd have seen if there was anything wrong, Morpheus. I'd have seen it on the screen.'  
  
'Yeah, Tank, that's the theory, but we all know you spend more time playing with your weird eyebrows than actually looking at the screen,' replied Morpheus  
  
Tank shrugged. 'Well, it's a lot more fun than watching a weird screen thing the whole time.'  
  
'Right . . .' said Morpheus, then turned back to Trinity and Neo, who had begun kissing again. 'When you've quite finished!' he began.  
  
'It is VALENTINE'S day, you know, Morpheus,' said Neo, sulkily. Trinity giggled.  
  
'What?' asked Morpheus.  
  
'It's . . . it's just, kind of hard to take you seriously when you're wearing those clothes.'  
  
'Oh,' said Morpheus, looking down sadly at his pink hot pants. 'They were beginning to grow on me.'  
  
Neo snorted. Trinity finished giggling and took control. 'OK, I'll go and finish my make-up while you go and change and when we've finished we can go into the Matrix.  
  
'OK,' said Morpheus, running off to change. Trinity went back into her room and started her cosmetic application. An hour later, Morpheus, Neo, Tank, and Mouse were still all slumped outside her room.  
  
At last, Trinity emerged.  
  
'FINALLY!' said Morpheus, exasperated. This was, perhaps, not the wisest thing to say.  
  
'Morpheus, I like wearing make-up, I believe make-up enhances my features, I believe you have no right to an opinion on my make-up application times because I believe that you are an annoying thick man who likes wearing shiny pink hot-pants which I believe are a disgrace to humanity, and if you don't like it, I believe you can go to hell,' said Trinity, before kicking the side of his head again.  
  
'You know I lose brain-cells every time you do that?' muttered Morpheus, earning himself another kick. 'Ouch! Go away and get into the Matrix. Kick someone else for a change!'  
  
'I think I'll do just that,' said Trinity, walking away. The One stuck out his tongue at Morpheus and followed her. They entered the Matrix.  
  
Everything seemed normal. But then Agent Smith walked up behind them and tapped Neo on the shoulder. 'Mr. Anderson, can I have a private word with Trinity.'  
  
'My name,' Neo said, before choking and coughing and making assorted dying noises, 'is Neo.'  
  
'OK . . .' began Agent Smith, then, 'Why the sound effects?'  
  
Neo shrugged, looking quite puzzled himself.  
  
'So . . . can I have a private word?' asked Agent Smith, urgently.  
  
'I am HERE, you know,' said Trinity, attempting to kick the agent's head. Being an agent, he avoided it expertly, but still looked impressed.  
  
'Hey!' he began. 'Good reflexes!'  
  
'They are, aren't they?' said Trinity smugly. 'I can slow down time, too. Watch this!' And she jumped into the air, froze in that position for a while, and expertly kicked the side of Neo's head.  
  
'Ouch! Trinity!'  
  
'Sorry, but I needed to demonstrate on someone. Don't worry, I'll kiss it better!' Trinity kissed the side of Neo's head.  
  
Agent Smith made quite dispirited sick noises, a rather sad look in his evil eyes. Trinity and Neo both turned to glare at him.  
  
'If you're not careful, I'll kick you,' said Trinity.  
  
'Yeah, but you're not the One, are you? So it won't matter. It's that freaky moron standing next to you I'm scared of. Though he doesn't scare me quite as much as the rumoured scary eyebrow man. I've never actually met him. But I've heard stories. I know things.'  
  
'Tank?' asked Neo. 'He is quite scary, I agree. But he's OK, really. And watch who you're calling a freaky moron. I could seriously damage you, you know.'  
  
'OK, OK, can I speak to Trinity alone now, please? Preferably today?'  
  
'Oh, go away for a moment, Neo,' said Trinity. 'I can always kick him if he annoys me too much.'  
  
'OK,' said Neo. 'I'll carry on checking the Matrix.' And he pootled off to do exactly that.  
  
'So . . .' said Agent Smith, as soon as Neo was out of earshot. 'Have you got any . . . CARDS recently?'  
  
'Of course I have, it's Valentine's Day!' snapped Trinity. 'I'm the only woman in a load of desperate men, what do you expect?'  
  
Agent Smith looked suddenly hopeful. 'You . . . you think Neo's a 'desperate man', do you?'  
  
'No, I was talking about Morpheus and Tank and Mouse and some weirdo who I don't know who sent me a Valentine's card.'  
  
The agent looked rather crestfallen. But then began again, bravely. 'But . . . maybe you DO know the person who sent you the card.' He seemed to be trying to give Trinity a hint.  
  
'No, I get junk mail quite often,' said Trinity.  
  
Smith seemed to be getting frustrated now. 'I sent you a card, Trinity. I did. Because I loooooooove you. And I don't want you to die. Because, the way you're behaving now, you will. That is the sound of inevitability. That is the sound of your death.'  
  
Trinity listened carefully. 'Um . . . actually I think that's karaoke. And I'm really sorry, but I'm not interested. I already love Neo. And I believe you are a sadistic plonker and I also believe that you don't really love me because I believe that you are just desperate and if you don't like that I believe you can't go to hell.'  
  
Agent Smith looked upset, but now he looked as if he wanted revenge. 'But I can't go to hell, Trinity. Because I can't die. You, on the other hand, can. And will. If you aren't nice to me.' Trinity foolishly took this opportunity to start laughing manically. Agent Smith reached into his pocket and took out a gun. 'No, I'm serious, Trinity. You can and will die, if you don't start behaving.'  
  
Trinity took out her own gun, and kicked him suddenly. She actually managed to hurt him, because silly little Smith had been expecting to have to dodge bullets. 'Ow!' he screeched, several octaves higher than usual. He then kicked Trinity.  
  
'Ow!' she screeched.  
  
'Trinity, we can't go on fighting. Because if we do you'll die. And you can't die, Trinity, because I loooooooove you.'  
  
Trinity looked rather grumpy. Agent-fighting wasn't her thing, she preferred randomly kicking innocent members of the public, or her colleagues. Neo was better at this sort of thing. And luckily for her, Neo was a nosy little bugger. So he was asking Tank what was going on. And Tank told him that she and Agent Smith were fighting. So accommodating little Neo ran back to them and started punching Agent Smith.  
  
'I know kung fu,' he said absently, as he hit him to the floor.  
  
'I'm aware of that,' said Smith, defeatedly, as he repossessed another body and ran off. He then paused for a while, turned back, and shouted, 'I still love you Trinity!' before running off, presumably to chat to the rest of his lovely little agent friends.  
  
'Oh, please.' Said Trinity, looking quite disgusted. 'I'd go out with Tank and his scary eyebrows over him!'  
  
Neo looked quite jealous. 'Are you SURE you don't love Agent Smith? 100% CERTAIN?'  
  
'Neo, please. He's an AGENT. He wants to KILL US. I don't think it's a promising match, is it? Anyway, you're the One. And the Oracle said I'd love the One, so I suppose I'm stuck with you, now aren't I?'  
  
Neo looked quite hurt. 'You're not 'stuck' with me! I thought you loved me!'  
  
'I do, Neo. And you can't die, because I loooooooooooooove you. I believe all the others really can go to hell, but you can't die, because I loooooooove you.'  
  
Neo looked somewhat reassured. 'I love you too Trinity.' They kissed. A small sobbing sound could be heard in the corner. Agent Smith had returned. 'Can you stop stalking us?' Neo asked Agent Smith, angrily.  
  
Trinity turned to the agent. 'Look, I'm sorry. It's not my fault you're almost bald and that Neo is gorgeous. You won't have a chance with me, but you could consider some special hair strengthening shampoo if you've got your eye on anyone else, OK? And maybe a change of clothes once in a while, cos it really is pretty unhygienic wearing the same stuff all the time. OK? Now I have to go. Go away. Don't send me any more cards. Good. Bye.'  
  
Trinity turned and marched off, and so, after a moment's pause in which he stuck out his tongue at the agent, did Neo. They swiftly left the Matrix.  
  
Tank and Mouse ran up to them. 'Anything wrong?' they asked.  
  
'No,' replied Neo. 'Matrix is all normal.'  
  
'I TOLD you,' shouted Tank, petulantly to Morpheus, who was running up, once again in his shiny pink hot-pants.  
  
'Shut up, Tank,' said Morpheus, tiredly. 'I'm going to get a blue pill.' He wandered off back to his room. Mouse followed him.  
  
'Why are you following him?' asked Tank.  
  
'To see where he keeps the pills.'  
  
Trinity snorted, 'You haven't found out where he keeps them yet?'  
  
Mouse ignored her. Tank turned to Mouse. 'Happy Valentine's Day!' he said, before kissing him.  
  
'Eurgh! Tank! Keep away from me! Now maybe Morpheus will give me a blue pill! I'm going to get one.' Mouse sprinted off.  
  
Tank turned to Neo. 'You keep away from me!' said Neo, terrified, backing away. 'I don't want you or your weird wiggly eyebrows anywhere near my face!' Tank shrugged as Mouse returned, looking somewhat calmer.  
  
'Tank, to deny your impulses is to deny the very thing that makes you human. But this really is an exception. DON'T DO THAT AGAIN! OK?'  
  
'OK,' said Tank, sulkily. 'Carried away . . . Hey, I can make a heart shape with my eyebrows! Look, Mouse, Look!' Mouse patted Tank on the shoulder.  
  
'Yes Tank. It's very clever. I need to go now and get the . . . the . . . thing I left . . . somewhere else.' Mouse left. Tank left to admire his clever eyebrows in the nearest mirror.  
  
Neo leant towards Trinity. 'Happy Valentine's Day!' he murmured, before kissing her.  
  
A/N: Sorry! Yet more fluff! But please review! Or I'll get all depressed. And then I'll only be able to write soggy fluff, cos I can't write depressing stuff cos when I try it's so bad it's funny. Anyway. Please review! And please don't be scared! 


	2. Brief Author's Note

Author's Note:  
  
I just want to say before everyone starts accusing me of making Neo too thick that THE ORACLE AGREES WITH ME! She said, and I quote: 'Not too bright though!'  
  
Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!  
  
Anyway, thankyou for reading! Please review! 


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